Bart: Milhouse... Milhouse, wake up, quick! Look out the window!
Milhouse: No way, Bart. If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear-admiral!

Bart: The guys who wrote this cartoon don't know squat. Itchy should have tied Scratchy's tongue with a taut-line hitch, not a sheet bend.
Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.

Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

Milhouse: I'm more worried about piranhas. Did you see that movie where they send a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas, and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes, "Aah! Aah! Aah!", and that old lady told him it would happen?
Bart: Yeah, that was pretty good.

Shelbyville Kid: Wait a minute, if you're from Shelbyville, how come we've never seen you in school?
Bart: I don't go to school.
Shelbyville Kid: Okay, what's two plus two?
Bart: Five.
Shelbyville Kid: Ah, story checks out.

Bart: When I grow up, I wanna be a lawyer just like you, Mr. Hutz.
Lionel Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing this world needs, it's more lawyers. Could you imagine a world without lawyers?

If you get lost remember, you can always find east by staring directly at the sun.

Marge: This town is a part of who you are! This is a Springfield Isotopes Cap... when you wear it, you're wearing Springfield! When you eat a fish from our river, you're eating Springfield! When you make lemonade from our trees, you're drinking Springfield!
Bart: Mom, when you give that lecture, you're boring Springfield.

Bart: Mom's gonna kill you.
Homer: If she didn't want her car ruined, she should've done a better job hiding her keys.