Professor Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!
Fry: But existing is basically all I do!

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?

Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

It worked! Eat it, everyone who's never won a Nobel's Prize! And that includes you, Amy!

[after being attacked by the video game character Donkey Kong]
Fry: Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is Donkey.
Professor Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!

Announcer: And the winner is number three, in a quantum finish.
Prof. Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Professor Farnsworth: But what about your super intelligence?
Gunther: When I had that, it was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. Thats why I've decided to transfer to business school.
Professor Farnsworth: Noooooooo!

Fry: I'm impressed. In my time we had no idea Mars had a university.
Professor Farnsworth: That's because then Mars was a uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made livable when the university was founded in 2636.