Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.

[Jim sits down, dressed as Dwight]
Jim: Question: What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought...
Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

William Doolittle at your service. A.K.A. Will Do.

I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.

With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what's unethical.

I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.

The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive... like I did when I was a homeless man.

So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond, whereas back here at Scranton, I am still top dog in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog... or a fish?

There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...

What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.

I love my employees, even though I hit one of you with my car.

It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes, you just gots to get your freak on.

Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage... when advantageous.

Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the Internet, it's... pretty shocking.

Once I'm officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.

I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, you reply, "absolutely I do."

Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.