Ralph: ...and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Ms. Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.

But the sign said "All you can eat!"

I am not an easy man to work for. While directing "Hats Off to Chanukkah", I reduced more than one cast member to tears. Did I expect too much from fourth graders? The review, "Play Enjoyed by All", speaks for itself.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq; and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

The father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under "do not write in this space" he wrote "OK".

Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!

Lisa: According to Eternity Magazine, you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is suddenly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.
Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.

What's the matter, sir? Never have I seen you look so unhappy while purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.

The potential for mischief varies inversely with one's proximity to the authority figure.

Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

Dr. Hibbert: Bart, in this ward are the children who have been hurt by imitating stunts they saw on television, movies, and the legitimate stage. This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like Superman. This boy's brother hit him in the head with a wrench, mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won't even subject you to the horrors of our Three Stooges ward.
Marge: Gee, I never thought TV was such a dangerous influence.
Dr. Hibbert: Well, as tragic as all this is, it's a small price to pay for countless hours of top-notch entertainment.

We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.

I just want to tell you that if I don't call you it's because I'm dead.

Lucille: If just one person vomits in my pool, I'm divorcing you.
The Shoveller: That's fair.

This is egg salad. It's loaded with cholesterol, the wife won't even let me touch it. It hardly seems to matter now 'cause, chances are, we're already dead. Amazing is gone, there's no use waiting for the cavalry, because as of this moment, the cavalry is us! So what do you say? Do we all gather together, and go kick some Casanova butt? Or do I eat this sandwich?

When you care what is outside, what is inside cares for you.

To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.

Captain Amazing: We've always been each other's greatest nemesises... uh, nemesee... wh-what's the plural on that?
Casanova Frankenstein: Nemeses.
Captain Amazing: Whatever. You're going to prison for life this time, Casanova. You see, here in Champion City we still do a fairly brisk trade... in justice.
Casanova: I thought it was all about publicity and keeping your sponsors happy.
Captain Amazing: See, it's that kind of cynicism that I truly feel is starting to poison society.

He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions.