Quotes by Grampa Simpson: The Simpsons
They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an upside to it!
Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody! Now, tell Dr. Nick where is the trouble.
Grampa: I'm itchy! I've got ants in my pants! I'm discombobulated! Give me a calmative!
Dr. Nick: Slow down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!
Grampa: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty." I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles…
Martin: Dickety? Highly dubious!
Grampa: What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!
I thought I recognized you! I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop.
Homer: Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. [remembers what his dad told him]
Grampa: Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.
Homer: You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Fathers have to say that stuff!
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grampa: No, you're homely as a mule's butt!
Homer: There, see?
Bah! This is just another Hallmark holiday cooked up to sell cards.
The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time.
Homer: I've gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos! OK, don't panic -- remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day.
[In Homer's Memory:]
Grampa: If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine.
Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.
I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock!
Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
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