Quoted in: The Good Place

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Quotes by Janet: The Good Place

Ooh, I've never had to walk before, this is fun! [Walks a few steps] Now I'm bored. Walking is dumb.

Jason: And to Janet, the best robot.
Janet: Not a robot.
Jason: Girl.
Janet: Not a girl.
Jason: And straight-up hottie.
Janet: I am attractive, yes.

Oh, really? Is it an error to act unpredictably and behave in ways that run counter to how you were programmed to behave?

Jason: I don't want to lose you, girl.
Janet: I'm not a girl.

Michael: She was feeling a little lost so I gave her a self-help book to restore her confidence.
Janet: Now I'm living my truth and creating my bliss.

It's turns out the best Janet was the Janet that was inside Janet all along.

Chidi: This equipment is very scary!
Janet: Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you. Watch, I'll blowtorch your face off.
Michael: Janet.
Janet: Whatever. This whole thing is stupid.

Fun fact, Janet is me.

Michael: Sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms and into "fun facts" and "trivia tidbits." I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse.
Janet: Fun fact, a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat.

Michael: You know, get out of your comfort zone. Become a trail blazer.
Janet: Fun fact, all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team are also in The Bad Place.

Chidi: I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Janet: Not if I see you first! Where's the beef? Hump day.

Janet: Conjure an image that brings you pure joy. Some people think of their wedding day, or favorite vacation spot.
Eleanor: [concentrating hard] People puking on roller coasters... people puking on roller coasters...

Chidi: Exploring makes me nervous. I have what doctors call "directional insanity." I once got lost on an escalator. So not exactly Christopher Columbus.
Janet: Fun fact! Columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide!

Janet: In case you were wondering, I am, by definition, the best version of myself. Because my operating system is always updating.
Eleanor: I'm not sure that's true, Janet. You still haven't talked to Jason about your romantic baggage. And the three of you are in some sort of weird love triangle.
Janet: You don't know what you're talking about. Also, love isn't a triangle. It's a five-dimensional blob, so...

Janet: Michael, good news. I was able to obtain Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
Michael: Is it actually a cactus?
Janet: I don't understand.
Michael: I want to see the file for Eleanor Shellstrop. Is that what you have, or do you have a cactus?
Janet: I have the file.
Michael: You're sure? You have the file and not a cactus?
Janet: That is correct. I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file. I do not have a cactus.
Michael: Excellent. Please, give me the file.
Janet: Here you go. [Hands Michael a cactus]

Fun fact... The first Janet had a click wheel.

Michael: Janet, what's a food that people think they enjoy but that's also kind of a bummer?
Janet: Frozen yogurt.

I know what you have to do now. Kill me! Sorry, I say everything in a cheery manner, but in this case in may be inappropriate, so I'll try again.

I suppose after 802 reboots I must have gained the ability to lie. That's fun! I want to try to lie again. I love your outfit.

Hi, guys! I'm broken.

Fun fact: mathematically, it's equally likely to either im- or ex-plode.

I have tickets to Hamilton next week, and there's a rumor that Daveed Diggs is coming back!

That's the good news. The bad news is I seem to be losing my ability to sustain object permanence. So it's sort of a glass half full, glass stops existing in time and space kind of deal.

Janet: We are so in sync we're finishing each other's...
Derek: Derek!

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