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Quotes by Janet

Janet: Michael, good news. I was able to obtain Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
Michael: Is it actually a cactus?
Janet: I don't understand.
Michael: I want to see the file for Eleanor Shellstrop. Is that what you have, or do you have a cactus?
Janet: I have the file.
Michael: You're sure? You have the file and not a cactus?
Janet: That is correct. I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file. I do not have a cactus.
Michael: Excellent. Please, give me the file.
Janet: Here you go. [Hands Michael a cactus]

Fun fact... The first Janet had a click wheel.

Michael: Janet, what's a food that people think they enjoy but that's also kind of a bummer?
Janet: Frozen yogurt.

I know what you have to do now. Kill me! Sorry, I say everything in a cheery manner, but in this case in may be inappropriate, so I'll try again.

I suppose after 802 reboots I must have gained the ability to lie. That's fun! I want to try to lie again. I love your outfit.

Hi, guys! I'm broken.

Fun fact: mathematically, it's equally likely to either im- or ex-plode.

I have tickets to Hamilton next week, and there's a rumor that Daveed Diggs is coming back!

That's the good news. The bad news is I seem to be losing my ability to sustain object permanence. So it's sort of a glass half full, glass stops existing in time and space kind of deal.

Janet: We are so in sync we're finishing each other's...
Derek: Derek!

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