Marge Simpson

52 quotes.

Quoted in: The Simpsons

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Quotes by Marge Simpson: The Simpsons

Dr. Nick Riviera: With my diet you can eat all you want anytime you want.
Marge: And you’ll lose weight?
Dr. Nick Riviera: Ah, you might. It’s a free country!


Dr. Hibbert: Another broccoli-related death.
Marge: But I thought broccoli was—
Dr. Hibbert: Oh yes. One of the deadliest plants on Earth. Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.


Homer: OK, OK, we need $40,000. Now how much do we have in the checkbook?
Marge: Seventy dollars.
Homer: Hmm... have we deposited any $40,000 checks that haven't cleared yet?


Cheer up, Homey. You don't need friends to be happy. I haven't had a friend in years.


Dr. Hibbert: But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town. The child was an outcast. So, we did the only humane thing.
Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
Marge: It's saved our marriage.


Homer, you don't know how to box, you're 38 years old, and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school. Of all the crazy ideas you've had, this one ranks somewhere in the middle. Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.


Homer: Marge, will you marry me?
Marge: Why? Am I pregnant?


Only three cavities, Bart, your best checkup ever! I'm going to make you my specialty, butterscotch chicken.


Bart, company's coming, go put doilies under the coasters, hurry, hurry!


Marge: Oh! A punchbowl like that just screams good taste. Wouldn't it be perfect for the dinner party?
Homer: Oh, we can't afford that. Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor?
Marge: Well, maybe we could use it once and then return it.
Homer: Marge, we're not talking about a toothbrush here.


It's just not a dinner party without a melon baller. And we'll need a citrus zester, a ravioli crimper... Ooh, an oyster mallet! Made in USA? Oh, no, thank you.


Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.


Marge: I'm going into the dining room to have a conversation. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome. [goes into the dining room and speaks to herself in another voice] Hello Marge, how's the family? [in regular voice] I don't want to talk about it! Mind your own business!
Homer: Keep it down in there, everybody!


Homer: Now that we’re all alone, Marge, admit it, you like Lisa best.
Marge: No.
Homer: Oh, so you’re a Bart woman, are you?!
Marge: No.
Homer: Well you can’t possible like Maggie best. What has she ever done? Nothin’ for nobody!


Homer: Singing is the lowest form of communication.
Marge: Homer, you sing all the time.
Homer: No I don't, I hate to rhyme.


Lionel Hutz: Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. "The right house" is the house that's for sale; the "right person" is anyone.
Marge: But all I did was tell the truth.
Lionel Hutz: Of course you did. But there's "the truth" [shakes head] and "the truth." [smiles wide] Let me show you.
Marge: It's awfully small.
Lionel Hutz: I'd say it's awfully "cozy."
Marge: That's dilapidated.
Lionel Hutz: Rustic.
Marge: That house is on fire!
Lionel Hutz: "Motivated seller".


Homer: Awww, this is the worst party ever.
Marge: Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.


Commentator: [describing the batter at a baseball game] He's pointing to the stands, possibly at a dying little boy.
Bart: [after realizing he's been pointed at] Mom, am I dying?!
Marge: No.
Lisa: [whispering] Is he, Mom? You can tell me.
Marge: No!


I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.


Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I showed great chemistry on set.
Homer: Every day, I thought about firing Marge. You know, to shake things up.


Marge: Hmmm. Should the Simpsons get a horse?
Comic Book Guy: Excuse me, I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart, with hilarious consequences.
Homer: Anybody care what this guy thinks?
Crowd: No!


Lenny's Voice: Dental plan!
Marge's Voice: Lisa needs braces!
Homer: If we give up our dental plan...I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!


Marge: [telling Bart a bedtime story] Then the prince and the princess... [yawning] got married and lived happily ever after.
Bart: Then what happened?
Marge: Uh...they had 30 sons and thirty daughters.
Bart: What were their names?
Marge: Hmm... Dennis... Brad... Mavis... Brad... [falls asleep]


According to Fretful Mother Magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk at age 1, we should consider a corrective tongue extender.


Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
Marge: We pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
Marge: We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find any?
Marge: [crying] We went fishing!
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, does this sounds like a man who had "all he could eat?"


I just don't see why Blanche should shove a broken bottle in Stanley's face. Couldn't she just take his abuse with gentle good humor?


Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term, but Lisa's are way down.
Homer: We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge: We have three kids, Homer.
Homer: Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid!
Marge: No, Maggie.


Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.


Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I...
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge; I've heard 'em all. I like you as a friend... I think we should see other people... I no speak English...
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: I'm married to the sea... I don't want to kill you, but I will...


Marge: There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
Bart: [Bart creepily looks up at his mom] Hello, Mother dear.


Homer: Marge, you can't go out on Saturday! That's our special night.
Marge: What's so special about it?
Homer: What's so... oh, I don't know. A little show called "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"?


Marge: I'm tired of looking like the world's worst mother.
Homer: Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?


Parades just bring out so many emotions in me! Joy, excitement, looking...


Marge: Ooh, that sounds fabulous, Homer. Stores throw the best parties.
Homer: You like parties, huh? Well, I just remembered they're having a big one down at the waterfront this weekend.
Marge: You didn't remember that. You just saw it on TV.
Homer: The important thing is I didn't imagine it.


Homer: So, Mr. Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.
Bart: Teamwork is overrated.
Homer: Huh?
Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.
Lisa and Marge: Yankees.


Here's Bart sleeping. Here he is dozing... here he is after a visit from the sandman. Ooh, here's nappy time, Bart! Here's a cute one: he's all tuckered out.


The only thing I am high on is love! Love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little L.S.D. is all I need!


An alligator with sunglasses? Now I've seen everything.


Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woo hoo! A four-day weekend.


Marge: An A+! How did you do it?
Homer: Oh, let's just say I had help from a little magic box.
Marge: You changed your grade with a computer?
Homer: D'oh!


Marge: Homer, there's a family of possums in here.
Homer: I call the big one "Bitey."


Dr. Hibbert: Bart, in this ward are the children who have been hurt by imitating stunts they saw on television, movies, and the legitimate stage. This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like Superman. This boy's brother hit him in the head with a wrench, mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won't even subject you to the horrors of our Three Stooges ward.
Marge: Gee, I never thought TV was such a dangerous influence.
Dr. Hibbert: Well, as tragic as all this is, it's a small price to pay for countless hours of top-notch entertainment.


When I found out about this, I went through a wide range of emotions. First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then ... kind of sleepy, then worried, and then concerned. But now I realize that being a spaceman is something you have to do.


Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.
Scorpio: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush. They'd be allowed to go at their own pace.


I've dug myself into a happy little rut here and I'm not about to hoist myself out of it.


Marge: You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with your family?
Homer: Of course not. I wouldn't do that! ... Why not?
Marge: We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and family and library cards... Bart's lawyer is here.


What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better than you?


Marge: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?
Hutz: I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can't copyright a drink.
Homer: Oh!
Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of '78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don't just make the office look good, they're filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!


Dr. Hibbert: If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach.
Marge: Thank you, Doctor.
Dr. Hibbert: Remember, I said, "if."


Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well actually replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.


Homer: Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
Marge: With cans of grease?
Homer: [Sarcastically] No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease!


Marge: This town is a part of who you are! This is a Springfield Isotopes Cap... when you wear it, you're wearing Springfield! When you eat a fish from our river, you're eating Springfield! When you make lemonade from our trees, you're drinking Springfield!
Bart: Mom, when you give that lecture, you're boring Springfield.

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