Quotes by Michael Scott: The Office (US)
Michael: Snack time! It’s the witching hour. It is the sandwiching hour.
Phyllis: What kind of sandwiches?
Michael: PB&J. My mom's recipe.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.
I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!
I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.
I love my employees, even though I hit one of you with my car.
So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond, whereas back here at Scranton, I am still top dog in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog... or a fish?
It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes, you just gots to get your freak on.
Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...
Michael: Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Business Man Magazine.
Jan: It said that?
Michael: It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business right then and there than business school would ever teach me - or Ryan would ever teach me.
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooter's is catering, and is that- is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.
Hey, no...no. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I've tried. There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians. The Holocaust. JFK. The Lincoln assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." And I hope to one day live in a world where someone can tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.
Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
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