Quoted in: The Good Place

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Quotes by Michael: The Good Place

Parties are mere distractions from the relentlessness of entropy. We're all just corpses who haven't yet begun to decay.

Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?

Well, I've read everything on your syllabus and, how do I put this delicately, it's all stupid garbage.

Chidi: Why even tell us about any real thing? Why not just lie about all of it?
Michael: Lies are always more convincing when they're closer to the truth.

I feel like Friends in Season 8. Out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together, even though it made no sense.

Eleanor: What is it with you and frozen yogurt? Have you not heard of ice cream?
Michael: Oh, sure, but I've come to really like frozen yogurt. There's something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.

I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. "That New Yorker article was interesting." "You haven't seen Hamilton?" "Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?"

Tahani, great party. Check it out. Suspenders! So dumb. So much dumber than belts.

People love frozen yogurt. I don't know what to tell you.

Chidi: So, making decisions isn't exactly my strong suit.
Michael: I know that, buddy. You once had a panic attack at a make-your-own sundae bar.
Chidi: There were too many toppings. And very early in the process you had to commit to a chocolate palate or a fruit palate and if you couldn't decide you wound up with kiwi, junior mint, raisin, and it just ruins everybody's night.

It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the Internet saying, "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong."

Chidi: No way! Soul mates are real?
Michael: They sure are. Although your soul mate situation is a little unusual.
Chidi: Oh, no! I don't have one, do I? That's fine, I mean, who needs a soul mate, anyway? My soul mate will be ... books!

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