Quotes by Philip J. Fry: Futurama
Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.
Fry: Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?
Professor: In your time, yes, but nowadays—shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.
I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends, it's things.
Fry: Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh.
TV Worker: Well, it's a Fox affiliate.
Fry: What are you showing right now?
TV Worker: 'Single Female Lawyer.' It's the season finale. Wanna watch?
Fry: I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre 'World's Blankiest Blank'.
TV Worker: She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.
Fry: I'm in.
Professor Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!
Fry: But existing is basically all I do!
We're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.
Leela: Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.
Fry: Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.
Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
[after being attacked by the video game character Donkey Kong]
Fry: Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is Donkey.
Professor Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!
All right, it's Saturday night. I have no date, a two liter bottle of Shasta, and my all-Rush mix tape. Let's rock!
Fry: My only other dreams are to be invisible in a chocolate factory and to date a celebrity.
Bender: I can hit you over the head until you think that's what happened.
Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!
It's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up.
Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.
Things are different this time. Before she was demanding and possessive, but now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.
Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
Amy: I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though.
Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
Amy: Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."
Make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
Fry: My God! What if the secret ingredient is people!?
Leela: No, there's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. How is it?
Leela: It varies from person to person.
Leela: I have never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.
Fry: This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Yep, right up until my third heart attack.
Fry: I'm impressed. In my time we had no idea Mars had a university.
Professor Farnsworth: That's because then Mars was a uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made livable when the university was founded in 2636.
It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
Fry: I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Leela: Well, if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.
Showing 23 quotes.