Quotes by Zapp Brannigan: Futurama
My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.
Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.
Zapp Brannigan: Our mission is clear: Destroy all alien lifeforms.
Kif Kroker: Um...not me, sir.
Zapp Brannigan: Right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have too.
When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission.
Stop exploding, you cowards!
Kif: This is a pleasure cruise. Our path is decided by the travel agency.
Zapp: That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair. [Draws a new course on the chart]
Kif: But that leads us straight through a swarm of comets.
Zapp: Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky.
But as a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman, I'll be on Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.
Kif: Sir, remember your course correction?
Kif: Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we had initially hoped.
Zapp: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.
Kif: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
Zapp: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.
Kif: Sir, can I speak with you?
Kif: But, sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.
In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!
Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go in alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.
Leela: Y'know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!
Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?
You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down.
Showing 18 quotes.