Billy Madison

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Released on Feb. 10, 1995

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Billy Madison is the 27 year-old son of Bryan Madison, a very rich man who has made his living in the hotel industry. Billy stands to inherit his father's empire but only if he can make it through all 12 grades, 2 weeks per grade, to prove that he has what it takes to run the family business.


Quotes from Billy Madison

What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?


Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?


Billy: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.
Billy: You know I like snack pack. Why can't you just give me a snack pack?
Juanita: I thought I was your snack pack.


No milk will ever be our milk.


Kid: Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!


Billy: Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.
Miss Lippy: Well, I think it's an excellent blue duck. Congratulations Billy, you just passed the first grade.
Billy: Wow, Miss Lippy, that's great. What do you think of that Mr. Blue Duck?
Billy: [pretending to be duck] That's quacktastic.


3rd Grader: Hey look everybody, Billy peed his pants.
Billy: Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy: YES. You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.
3rd Grader: Hey look, Ernie peed his pants too. Alright!
Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: OOH. That was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.


3rd Grader: How's high school Billy?
Billy: High school is great. I mean I'm learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nice. It's great.
3rd Grader: Gee, I can't wait till I get to "hike" school.
Billy: [grabs 3rd grader's face and whispers] Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.


Billy: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy: Oh my God. I'll go to school.


Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right...? Everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful. No yelling on the bus!


Principal : If there is any attempt for either contestant to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, I am just gonna snap. Do I make myself clear?
Billy Madison : Yes, Sir.
Eric : Yes, Sir.


Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

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