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Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I would choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else to do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done.


Chidi: I am breaking up with you.
Simone: Why?
Chidi: I can't... It's complicated, but it's happening. Ya dumped!


"Reach for the stars," as I said to my good friend Elon Musk. And then he shot his car into space. What a weird creep. Why was I friends with him?


"If you love someone, set them free." A good friend and yoga pupil, Sting, no last initial, told me that.


I don't know if you know this, but things with fat in them taste way better than things with no fat.


Lies make baby Jesus cry.


I feel God in this Chili's tonight.


When I eat it is the food that is scared.


Okay, Marge, if anybody asks, you require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.


If it's clear and yella, you've got juice there, fella. If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town.

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