Recently Added Quotes

Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.

Phyllis: I never see him drink. I never see him eat.
Stanley: I don't think he even uses the bathroom.
Creed: Oh he does. He does.

Michael Scott: Well you know what Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.

I am just a net, that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas, and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimzy so--

Put your heart out there like that, it's liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!

You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'

Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.

Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-am Fun Run Race For The Cure

Michael Scott: I was also hoping to hand the giant cheque to a rabies doctor. How's that going?
Pam Beesly: Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a cheque for 700 dollars. Or 500 dollars if we go with the giant cheque. And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.

I'm petrified of nipple chafing. One it starts, it's a vicious circle. You have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. It's a tough one. Gotta take precautions.

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