30 Rock

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Emmy Award Winner Tina Fey writes, executive produces and stars as Liz Lemon, the head writer of a live variety programme in New York City. Liz's life is turned upside down when brash new network executive Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin in his Golden Globe winning role) interferes with her show, bringing the wildly unpredictable Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) into the cast. Now its up to Liz to manage the mayhem and still try to have a life.


Quotes from 30 Rock

Jack: Alfredo, 2PM?
Liz: I'm not dressed for that.
Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?


The important thing to remember is he was never charged with a crime. It's not illegal to fall asleep on your neighbor's roof.


I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.


Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?


What do you mean I don't have an obituary? I'm Jenna Maroney. I played Arts & Literature in the film adaptation of Trivial Pursuit.


Tracy: I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.
Dot Com: "Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot".


Liz: I am a grown woman! I have been doing things my way for a long time. I don't like my "life stuff" mixing with my "dude stuff."
Jack: A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff," is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why yes it is!


I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it! I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst Presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo ... they were very drunk.


Just embrace the fact that you are lucky enough to be a happily married man. I mean, I'm actually jealous of you. You've got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids. You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered.


Weird... in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.


Mr. Baker wants to do everything for himself. I feel about as useless as a mom's college degree.


Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?


A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.


What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!


What everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.


Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?


Alcohol? This smells like Hill-people milk. I've been drinking this since I was a baby!


Black people, don't vote! Did you know that in the amount of time it takes to vote you could play three games of pool? Three! Now that's fresh.


Jack: So what are you gonna do with your money? Put it into a 401(k)?
Liz: Yeah, I gotta get one of those.
Jack: What?! Where do you invest your money, Lemon?
Liz: I've got like twelve grand in checking.
Jack: Are you an immigrant?


I'm whipped! Angie got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know that in the morning, they have food, TV, almost everything. It's pretty good.


I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.


Tracy: So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.


Dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes.


So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.


Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.


Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor.

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