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A late 20th-century New York City pizza delivery boy, Philip J. Fry, after being unwittingly cryogenically frozen for one thousand years, finds employment at Planet Express, an interplanetary delivery company in the 31st century.
Quotes from Futurama
You're taking a vacation from normality. The setting: a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery. And there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.
You're on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. You ask a passer-by for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.
You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster ... The second one. Prepare to enter the Scary Door.
You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.
Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of the lazies.
Enclosed is a .pdf attachment, a picture of yourself in a boat on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. It is flowing down the eerie canal to ... The Scary Door. That's eerie with two Es.
After all, our love isn't any different from yours. Except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.
Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!
Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.
This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me!
Amy: [in Farnsworth's body] Oh no! Can we switch back using four or more bodies?
Professor Farnsworth: [in Bender's body] I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.
I hate these nerds. Just because I'm stupider than them they think they're smarter than me.
Fry: Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?
Professor: In your time, yes, but nowadays—shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.
Professor: Nothing is impossible! Not if you believe in it. That's what being a scientist is all about!
Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about!
Voice on T.V.: Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
Bender: Shut up and get to the point!
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.
I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends, it's things.
Of all the friends I've had... you're the first.
Fry: Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh.
TV Worker: Well, it's a Fox affiliate.
Fry: What are you showing right now?
TV Worker: 'Single Female Lawyer.' It's the season finale. Wanna watch?
Fry: I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre 'World's Blankiest Blank'.
TV Worker: She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.
Fry: I'm in.
Professor Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!
Fry: But existing is basically all I do!
We're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.
I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh... also, comes with double prize money.
Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
One of these days, Ndnd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of Omicron Persei 8!
My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.
Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
Leela: Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.
Fry: Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.
This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!
Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?
It worked! Eat it, everyone who's never won a Nobel's Prize! And that includes you, Amy!
[after being attacked by the video game character Donkey Kong]
Fry: Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is Donkey.
Professor Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!
All right, it's Saturday night. I have no date, a two liter bottle of Shasta, and my all-Rush mix tape. Let's rock!
Leela: Bender, we're trying our best.
Bender: Your best is an idiot!
Fry: My only other dreams are to be invisible in a chocolate factory and to date a celebrity.
Bender: I can hit you over the head until you think that's what happened.
My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.
Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!
Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct, the best kind of correct.
Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!
A-ha! Once again the sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor! [Eats his sandwich] Oh no! I'm ruined!
That Guy: What would you say if I said, "I'm worried about blank"?
Fry: Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank.
That Guy: Good. I would have also accepted "Blank? Blank?! You're not looking at the big picture!"
Announcer: And the winner is number three, in a quantum finish.
Prof. Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
It's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up.
Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.
Things are different this time. Before she was demanding and possessive, but now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.
[dying] I came here with a simple dream...a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I... Not I...
Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
Amy: I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though.
Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
Amy: Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."
This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it.
Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.
Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies!
Make up some feelings and tell her you have them.
Fry: My God! What if the secret ingredient is people!?
Leela: No, there's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. How is it?
Leela: It varies from person to person.
Leela: I have never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.
Fry: This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Yep, right up until my third heart attack.
If you do not give us what we want, we will raise the temperature of the earth one million degrees a day, for five days.
If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!
Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go in alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.
Fry: I'm impressed. In my time we had no idea Mars had a university.
Professor Farnsworth: That's because then Mars was a uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made livable when the university was founded in 2636.
You like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?
Professor Farnsworth: But what about your super intelligence?
Gunther: When I had that, it was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. Thats why I've decided to transfer to business school.
Professor Farnsworth: Noooooooo!
It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
Leela: Y'know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!
Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?
You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down.
Fry: I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Leela: Well, if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.
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