Futurama

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A late 20th-century New York City pizza delivery boy, Philip J. Fry, after being unwittingly cryogenically frozen for one thousand years, finds employment at Planet Express, an interplanetary delivery company in the 31st century.


Quotes from Futurama

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.


Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in... We kept it grey!


It's the biggest Jamaican platter I've ever seen! Jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?


I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated.


What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all kinds of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg!


The important thing is that we don't panic! There are rules for situations like this! Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice Lobster Zoidberg. I mean, Lobster Newburg. I mean - Doctor Zoidberg.


[Fry is presented with a large pill he is asked to swallow]
Fry: I can't swallow that.
Professor Farnsworth: Well, then good news! It's a suppository.


My Manwich!


Fry: Bender, this has nothing to do with you.
Bender: That's impossible!


These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are.


This is it. The moment we should have trained for.


I failed at my life-long dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great?


What an idiot I was! And by "I", I meant "you"!


They're not evil, but don't be confused. They are jerks.


It's the Apocalypse all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.


You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.


Leela: [laying on a table] Is this some kind of brain scanner, Professor?
Professor Farnsworth: Of a sort. In France they call it a guillotine.


Professor Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks, and twice as ugly.
Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big is the honeycomb?
Hermes: Honeycomb's big, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bender: It's not small?
Hermes: No, no, no.


I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse, and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane!


All those times I said "Kill all humans", I always whispered "except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.


There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.


I must find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly I'm going to the bathroom every three hours like clockwork, and those jerks at Social Security stop sending me checks. Now I have to pay them.


With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!


Bad news, nobody! The supercollider super-exploded. I need you to take it back and exchange it for a wobbly CD rack and some of those rancid meatballs.


Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from pi-kea is here with the supercollider I ordered.


Wow! A superpowers drug you can rub on your skin? You think it would be something you'd have to freebase.


If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome.


Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted but my parents said I had too many ponies already.


Fry: They sure hate Zoidberg.
Bender: Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.


Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom and then enslave humanity?
Zoidberg: Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom until it learns what it is not to have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!


Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg!


Dwight: Can I use the gun?
Hermes: What kind of father would I be if I said no?


Dwight: I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
Fry: No I'm... doesn't!


Cubert: [using a device that makes his voice sound like Professor Farnsworth] Good news, everyone! I'm a horse's butt!
Professor Farnsworth: I am? That's not good news at all!


Leela: Fry, acting like a moron won't solve anything.
Fry: Then all hope is lost.


Morbo: Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips.
Linda: At least all those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: Windmills do not work that way! Good night!


A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one.


I am literally angry with rage!


Leela: You can't go to Omega 3. It's forbidden. I forbid you.
Fry: But we have to. The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future.
Leela: But it's set 800 years in the past.
Bender: Yeah, why is it so important you?
Fry: Because it... it taught me so much. Like, how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female... But most importantly, when I had no friends, it made me feel like maybe I did.
Leela: Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.


Leela: For 25 Quatloos, which villain did Kirk strand on Ceti Alpha V?
William Shatner: KHAAAAAN!
Fry: Uh... Khan?
Leela: Correct.


Leonard Nimoy: Nichelle, George, Walter, DeForest, Welshie...
Fry: "Welshie"?
Nichelle Nichols: We did some musical reunion specials in the 22-hundreds, but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.


Fry: Usually on the show, they came up with a complicated plan, then explained it with a simple analogy.
Leela: Hmmm... If we can re-route engine power through the primary weapons and configure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.
Bender: Like putting too much air in a balloon!
Fry: Of course! It's all so simple!


Bender: Uh, can people who hate "Star Trek" leave?
Walter Koenig: Good question!
Melllvar: No, they have to stay even longer.


Walter Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
Fry: Say it in Russian.
Walter Koenig: Ven ve voke up, ve had these wodies.
Fry: Eeeee! Now say "nuclear wessels".
Walter Koenig: NO!


[Melllvar forces George Takei to sign autographs]
Melllvar: Make it out to Melllvar. That's Melllvar with three L's.
George Takei: [crossly] I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".


Leonard Nimoy: When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a good performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
William Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a good performance out of me because I respected me so much.


My story is a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots.


Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking. Cilantro. Mango salsa. Raspberry vinaigrette.


Bender: Fleeing somewhere?
Fry: With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.


If it's chicken, chicken à la king. If it's fish, fish à la king. If it's turkey, fish à la king.


Leela: Professor. Please. Society is never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. Now, let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome.
Professor Farnsworth: No.


All this time I thought they were cheering for me, but they were actually cheering at me.


I'm a millionaire! Suddenly I have an opinion about the capital gains tax.


This is not a business. I always thought of it more as a cheap source of labor, like a family.


Awesome. Awesome to the max.


Fry: Boneitis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.
That Guy: There was no cure at the time. A drug company came close, but I arranged a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.


That Guy: [Starts contorting violently] My bones!
Fry: Oh, my God! His boneitis!
That Guy: I was so busy being an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My one regret is... that I have... boneitis.


Hermes: We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!
That Guy: Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!
Amy: Look, everyone wants to be more like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?


That Guy: There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who is a sheep?
Zoidberg: Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?
That Guy: Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.


You can't lose hope when it's hopeless. You gotta hope more, then put your fingers in your ears and go, "blah, blah, blah, blah! ..."


Fry, if I die, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap!


Fry: You know what the worst thing about being a slave is? They make you work hard without paying you or letting you go.
Leela: Fry, that's the only thing about being a slave.


I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.


Hey, whose been messing with my radio? This is not alternative rock, it's college rock.


Wow! Letters like 'U' and 'R' can stand for words, like 'you' and 'are.'


Lrrr: These candies are chalky and unpleasant!
Nd-Nd: And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"?
Lrrr: Surely it says "love".
Nd-Nd: No, "wuv", with an Earth W. Behold.
Lrrr: This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us!


Lrrr: This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
Nd-Nd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.


Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro-wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.


Let's commence preparations for rumbling!


You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher!


I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon on your chest, to crush those who disobey you! But I guess we're just two different people.


Hey, let's go car shopping! My parents promised if I got all B's they'd buy me a bar, and I got all C's!


Congratulations, Fry! You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she probably has got other characteristics...


Fry: My girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Leela: Fry, remember what we said about ending your stories a sentence earlier?


Fry: Tell her she looks thin.
Zoidberg: You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites?
Edna: Why yes! Thanks for noticing.
Zoidberg: [to Fry] Now what?
Fry: Ask her how her day was.
Zoidberg: Why would I want to know that?
Fry: You wouldn't. Ask anyway!


Fry: Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
Zoidberg: [to Edna] I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. [to Fry] Fry, that doesn't make sense.
Edna: Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But okay.


Leela: Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?
Bender: Because he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.
Fry: Hey, I can get any girl I want anytime I want! I'm just too busy.


Zoidberg: Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?
Fry: Fatal.
Zoidberg: [To Bender] Large bet on myself in round one.


Santa Claus Robot: You have all been very naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
Zoidberg: A pogo stick!


Leela: Fry's outside? He's in great danger!
Zoidberg: Why?
Leela: I'm telling you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town!


Fry: It really puts you in the Christmas mood.
Farnsworth: What-mas?
Fry: Christmas! You know, X-M-A-S.
Leela: Oh, you mean "Xmas"! You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say "ask" instead of "axe".


Fry: Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!
Robot Santa: You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!


I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along Leela is as lonely as a frog.


Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Leela: Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.


Lets face it, comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy! Ha ha ha, that's funny.


Every Christmas my Mom would get a fresh goose, for gooseburgers, and my Dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.


Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.


Zoidberg: You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see!
Hermes: Listen, you filthy crab! 1,000 years ago, there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsleders.
Fry: Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.
Hermes: A true inspiration for the children.


Fry: Leela, I got a plan.
Leela: I got a better plan.


Fry: You look different. Did you get a haircut?
Bender: No! I sold my body.
Farnsworth: Sold your body? Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.


All hail our gargantuan, cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.


Nixon with charisma? My god, I could rule the universe!


Morbo: Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates... Puny human no. 1, puny human no. 2, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.
Richard Nixon's Head: Hello Morbo, how's the family?
Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
Richard Nixon's Head: Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.


Look here, you drugged-up communist! I paid for this body, and I'd no sooner return it than my Cocker Spaniel dog, Checkers.


Bender: Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
Farnsworth: But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.


My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.


It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.


Leela: Bender, I thought you were supposed to be cooking for this party.
Bender: Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler!
Leela: Just make a simple cake, and this time if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure you put them in after you cook it.


Glurmo: You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!
Fry: When will that be?
Glurmo: Soon enough.
Fry: That's not soon enough!


Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
Glurmo: Why those are the Grunka-Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.
Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them.


All this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.


Amy: You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Try some zinc.
Bender: I'm 40% zinc!
Amy: Then take some echinacea, or St. John's Wort.
Farnsworth: Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same crap!


Lrrr: Attention McNeil. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall I would rate it a C+. Okay, not great. As a result we will not destroy your planet. But neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality!
Fry: Way to overact, Zoidberg!


Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.
Zapp Brannigan: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.


Zapp Brannigan: Our mission is clear: Destroy all alien lifeforms.
Kif Kroker: Um...not me, sir.
Zapp Brannigan: Right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have too.


When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission.


Stop exploding, you cowards!


Dean Vernon: You robots are a disgrace to this university! Whenever a fire alarm is pulled, Robot House! Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House! Whenever a human corpse is desecrated...
Bender: Now I can explain that!


Kif: This is a pleasure cruise. Our path is decided by the travel agency.
Zapp: That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair. [Draws a new course on the chart]
Kif: But that leads us straight through a swarm of comets.
Zapp: Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky.


But as a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman, I'll be on Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.


Kif: Sir, remember your course correction?
Zapp: No.
Kif: Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we had initially hoped.


Countess de LaRoca: Bender, you risked your life to save me!
Bender: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.


Leela: That was the worst delivery ever.
Fry: Yeah, I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.
Bender: Me neither! Food was good, though.


Good news, everyone! Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 8, the Mob Planet.


Fry: [Testing Professor Farnsworth's Smell-o-Scope] Just don't make me smell Uranus!
Leela: I don't get it.
Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: So what's it called now?
Farnsworth: Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.


Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Bender: Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Farnsworth: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Bender: Here it comes.
Farnsworth: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
Bender: Thank you and goodnight.
Leela: Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
Farnsworth: Why, of course! It's just a name! Like the Death Zone or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror!


Murg: This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.
Fry: Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?
Murg: Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.
Fry: On second thought, I'll take that one.
Murg: Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.


Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
Zoidberg: Uh-oh! I shouldn't have had seconds


That was the saltiest thing I ever tasted! And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt!


Fry: Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.
Amy: I don't know, I've had cow.


Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.
Fry: Wha?
Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes. Fished out of existence... just about the time your people arrived on Earth, Dr. Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: I'm not on trial here.
Fry: So, none of you have ever had anchovies? Oh, man! You don't know what you're missing. They were salty and oily and melted in your mouth...
Zoidberg: Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!


Now I'm off to some charity BS for knocked-up teenage sluts.


Fry: I don't get this. Is Blernsball exactly the same as baseball?
Farnsworth: Baseball? God forbid.
Leela: Face it, Fry, baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie.
Fry: It wasn't bori... So, they finally jazzed it up.


He's good, alright. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory.


Aw, it's cute. Wait, no it's not! It looks like Bender!


Zapp: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.
Kif: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
Zapp: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.


Kif: Sir, can I speak with you?
Zapp: No!
Kif: But, sir, it's an emergency.
Zapp: Come back when it's a catastrophe.


In the name of all that is good and logical, we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic: one zero zero zero one zero one zero one zero one zero one... zero one zero one one zero zero one... two. Amen.


Fry: Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.
Leela: Those things are all from the 19th century.
Fry: Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.


[Fry is listening to Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" until Leela turns it off.]
Leela: Fry, you can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
Fry: I could if you hadn't turned on the light and shut off my stereo.


Leela: I don't get it, Fry. Who was Ted Danson, and why did you bid $10,000 for his skeleton?
Fry: I have an idea for a sitcom.


Bender: Now Wireless Joe Jackson - there was a blern-hitting machine.
Leela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns. Wireless Joe Jackson was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.
Bender: Oh, and I suppose Pitch-o-Mat 5000 was just a modified howitzer!
Leela: Yep.


We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.


In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.


Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters, and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two thirds of a person!


[Talking on the phone] Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. How's his wife holding up? To shreds, You say.


Fry: Where's the bathroom?
Bender: The bath what?
Fry: Bathroom.
Bender: The what room?
Fry: Bathroom!
Bender: The what what?


Bender: [in his sleep] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all humans...
Fry: Bender, wake up!
Bender: Wh-uh? I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.


I'm going to build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! You know what- forget the park!


It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals... and animal robots.


Space. It seems to go on forever. But then you get to the end and the gorilla starts throwin' barrels at you.


Hello? Pizza delivery for uh... I.C. Wiener? Aww, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the prank calls.


You're taking a vacation from normality. The setting: a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery. And there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.


You're on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. You ask a passer-by for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.


You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster ... The second one. Prepare to enter the Scary Door.


You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.


Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of the lazies.


Enclosed is a .pdf attachment, a picture of yourself in a boat on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. It is flowing down the eerie canal to ... The Scary Door. That's eerie with two Es.


After all, our love isn't any different from yours. Except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.


Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!


Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Soldier: Oh right. I forgot about the battle.


This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me!


Amy: [in Farnsworth's body] Oh no! Can we switch back using four or more bodies?
Professor Farnsworth: [in Bender's body] I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.


I hate these nerds. Just because I'm stupider than them they think they're smarter than me.


Fry: Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?
Professor: In your time, yes, but nowadays—shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.


Professor: Nothing is impossible! Not if you believe in it. That's what being a scientist is all about!
Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about!


Voice on T.V.: Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
Bender: Shut up and get to the point!


And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet.


I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends, it's things.


Of all the friends I've had... you're the first.


Fry: Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh.
TV Worker: Well, it's a Fox affiliate.
Fry: What are you showing right now?
TV Worker: 'Single Female Lawyer.' It's the season finale. Wanna watch?
Fry: I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre 'World's Blankiest Blank'.
TV Worker: She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.
Fry: I'm in.


Professor Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!
Fry: But existing is basically all I do!


We're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.


I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh... also, comes with double prize money.


Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.


One of these days, Ndnd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of Omicron Persei 8!


My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.


Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?


Leela: Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.
Fry: Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.


This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry!


Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.


Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?


It worked! Eat it, everyone who's never won a Nobel's Prize! And that includes you, Amy!


[after being attacked by the video game character Donkey Kong]
Fry: Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is Donkey.
Professor Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!


All right, it's Saturday night. I have no date, a two liter bottle of Shasta, and my all-Rush mix tape. Let's rock!


Leela: Bender, we're trying our best.
Bender: Your best is an idiot!


Fry: My only other dreams are to be invisible in a chocolate factory and to date a celebrity.
Bender: I can hit you over the head until you think that's what happened.


My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.


Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!


Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct, the best kind of correct.


Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.


I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!


A-ha! Once again the sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor! [Eats his sandwich] Oh no! I'm ruined!


That Guy: What would you say if I said, "I'm worried about blank"?
Fry: Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank.
That Guy: Good. I would have also accepted "Blank? Blank?! You're not looking at the big picture!"


Announcer: And the winner is number three, in a quantum finish.
Prof. Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!


It's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up.


Michelle, I don't regret this, but I both rue and lament it.


Things are different this time. Before she was demanding and possessive, but now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.


[dying] I came here with a simple dream...a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I... Not I...


Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.


Fry: Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
Amy: I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though.
Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
Amy: Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."


This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it.


Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.


Ohhh, it's all so complicated, with the flowers, and the romance, and the lies upon lies!


Make up some feelings and tell her you have them.


Fry: My God! What if the secret ingredient is people!?
Leela: No, there's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. How is it?
Leela: It varies from person to person.


Leela: I have never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.
Fry: This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Yep, right up until my third heart attack.


If you do not give us what we want, we will raise the temperature of the earth one million degrees a day, for five days.


If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!


Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go in alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.


Fry: I'm impressed. In my time we had no idea Mars had a university.
Professor Farnsworth: That's because then Mars was a uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, Mars was eventually made livable when the university was founded in 2636.


You like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?


Professor Farnsworth: But what about your super intelligence?
Gunther: When I had that, it was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. Thats why I've decided to transfer to business school.
Professor Farnsworth: Noooooooo!


It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?


Leela: Y'know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!
Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?


You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down.


Fry: I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Leela: Well, if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.

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