Seinfeld

22 quotes.

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Jerry Seinfeld is a very successful stand-up comedian, mainly because the people around him offer an endless supply of great material. His best friend is George Costanza, a bald, whiny loser who craves the kind of success Jerry has but is never willing to do what it takes to get it. Jerry's neighbor Kramer often barges into his apartment and imposes onto his life. In the second episode Jerry's former girlfriend Elaine Benes comes back into his life, and the four of them are able to form a friendship together. The episodes were rarely very plot-heavy, focusing more on mundane conversations and situations that could be found during everyday life in New York.


Quotes from Seinfeld

You know, if you take everything I've done in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.


Jerry: You've been hiding her from us. you must really like her?
George: Ah! the minute I saw this girl, we just clicked. She's got such a nice face... hmm, her eyes, her mouth, nose...
Elaine: We know what a face consists of.


Jerry: So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey".
Puddy: I don't much care for that term.
Jerry: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know...
Puddy: No, I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.


Jerry: [Answering the phone] Hello?
Telemarketer: Would you be interested in a subscription to The New York Times?
Jerry: Yes. [hangs up]


Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine. That's gold, Jerry! Gold!


Kramer: You know Frank, you could take a break.
Frank: No breaks. I feel reborn. I'm like a Phoenix rising from Arizona.


Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.


He recycled this gift. He's a regifter.


George: A woman that hates me this much comes along once in a lifetime.
Jerry: You're a lucky guy.


Jerry, this woman hates me so much... I'm starting to like her.


Elaine: So because of a few bad apples, you're going to impugn an entire continent?
Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.


Kramer: This is going to be the new look of the '90s. You're gonna be the first pirate!
Jerry: But I don't want to be a pirate!


So I sped home to save my friend's life and I was stopped for speeding. Yes, I admit I was speeding but it was to save a man's life! A close friend. An innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love, to be loved and to be a banker.


George: All bald people look good in hats.
Elaine: You should have lived in the twenties and thirties. You know, men wore hats all the time then.
George: What a bald paradise that must have been. Nobody knew.


George: I don't get art.
Jerry: There's nothing to get.
George: No, it always has to be explained to me, and then I have to have someone explain the explanation.


No, no, I don't think I'm special. My mother always said I'm not special.


George: Did you see the way she was looking at me?
Jerry: She's a Nazi, George, a Nazi!
George: Kind of a cute Nazi, though.


[talking about Kramer's ex-girlfriend] If this woman's personality could be seen, it would be like one of those Elephant Man exhibits where they pull back the curtain and everyone gasps.


George: Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a color man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.


George, letting my emotions out was the best thing I've ever done. Sure, I'm not funny anymore, but there's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.


Frank: Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank: The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific.


Alright, that's it for me! Be good everybody!

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