The Good Place Season 1 Episode 3: Tahani Al-Jamil

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First aired on Sept. 22, 2016

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Chidi begins formally teaching Eleanor about ethics, and lesson No. 1 is: be kind to your neighbor. Michael and Janet help Chidi find a new, exciting hobby.


Michael: She was feeling a little lost so I gave her a self-help book to restore her confidence.
Janet: Now I'm living my truth and creating my bliss.

It's turns out the best Janet was the Janet that was inside Janet all along.

[Tahani gives Eleanor a hug] Ugh, of course your hugs are amazing.

Chidi: Aren't there some parts worth salvaging?
Michael: Honestly, man, I don't even know. I mean that thing is unreadable. I literally learned what headaches were because that thing gave me a headache.

Chidi: This equipment is very scary!
Janet: Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you. Watch, I'll blowtorch your face off.
Michael: Janet.
Janet: Whatever. This whole thing is stupid.

Fun fact, Janet is me.

Michael: Sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms and into "fun facts" and "trivia tidbits." I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse.
Janet: Fun fact, a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat.

Michael: You know, get out of your comfort zone. Become a trail blazer.
Janet: Fun fact, all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team are also in The Bad Place.

I also dabbled in some other professions. I was a model, a museum curator, an "It Girl," and... oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. That was quite fun.

Chidi: I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Janet: Not if I see you first! Where's the beef? Hump day.

Eleanor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends and treat her with mutual respect?
Chidi: Yeah!
Eleanor: That's exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi, wake up!
Chidi: That's what everyone wants everyone to do.

Chidi: I prefer to take my time with things.
Michael: Yes, I know. You never even named your dog, did you? When it ran away, you posted signs saying "responds to long pauses".

Chidi: Exploring makes me nervous. I have what doctors call "directional insanity." I once got lost on an escalator. So not exactly Christopher Columbus.
Janet: Fun fact! Columbus is in the Bad Place because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide!

I’m not supposed to be here either. I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on, and I am freakin' out homie! You gotta help me. I'm scared!

Eleanor: First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire.
Chidi: Why would you even know that?!

Tahani: Oh, this is silly. So "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic. And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful," so my full name all together means-
Eleanor: "Congratulations, Beautiful."
Tahani: Thanks, Eleanor. You big flirt.

She wants everybody to think she's such a perfect princess just 'cause she's tall and glamorous and has cappuccino skin and curves everywhere. And now I'm complimenting her. And kind of turned on. The point is, she straight up sucks, bro.

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