How did they get Janet's bracelets off? It's literally impossible for a human to do. It's like breathing underwater or driving without texting.
That roast was the meanest thing I've ever seen and I once saw a waiter bring Russell Crowe the wrong tea.
Michael: Oh, Chidi, Sorry, I got a joke for you, bud. Uh, knock, knock.
Chidi: Who's there?
Michael: You died alone because you couldn't commit to anyone.
Jason: You died alone because you couldn't commit to anyone who?
Eleanor and I have a lot in common. Now here's how you can tell us apart: one of us is a manipulative demon who's an expert at making other people miserable, and then the other one is me!
Michael: Jason, buddy. All you had to do was to keep quiet, but you couldn't stop talking about Kendall Jenner or that dumb quarterback, what was his name, Derek Bortles? Always ranting about Derek Bortles. Lucky for you my friend, Jaguars games are the only ones televised in the Bad Place because they suuuck!
Jason: No they don't! All we need is a defense and an offense and some rule changes.
Jason: I never thought I'd be the one to say it, but this is getting out of hand. I think we gotta go to the cops.
Eleanor: What cops? Where do you think we are?
I know it sounds crazy. But if it weren't crazy, they wouldn't call it a leap of faith. They would call it a sit of doubting.
I should have seen this coming. No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf. Sure, Ben Affleck told me he'd matured as an artist after he directed Argo, but then, right on schedule, it was "Guess what, Tahani! I'm going to be Batman!".
I can't believe Michael betrayed us again. Why is it always the ones you most expect?
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