The Good Place Season 2 Episode 9: Best Self

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First aired on Jan. 11, 2018

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Michael finds himself in a bind. Eleanor sparks an idea that has Chidi, Tahani, Jason, and even Janet laying their feelings on the line.


Jason: And to Janet, the best robot.
Janet: Not a robot.
Jason: Girl.
Janet: Not a girl.
Jason: And straight-up hottie.
Janet: I am attractive, yes.

All I've really ever wanted was to know what it feels like to be human. And now we're going to do the must human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!

What do you guys think The Bad Place is gonna be for you? I'll probably go to a Skrillex concert and I'll be waiting for the bass drop, and it... it'll never come.

Long story short, it was all a dream.

Eleanor: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.
Michael: Oh, come on. Everyone knows that's worse.

You humans have so many emotions. You only need two: anger and confusion!

Janet: In case you were wondering, I am, by definition, the best version of myself. Because my operating system is always updating.
Eleanor: I'm not sure that's true, Janet. You still haven't talked to Jason about your romantic baggage. And the three of you are in some sort of weird love triangle.
Janet: You don't know what you're talking about. Also, love isn't a triangle. It's a five-dimensional blob, so...

Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It's not for that.

That Eleanor is a better Eleanor than this one. And that is not easy for me to say. "You're not better than me" was my yearbook quote.

I'm sorry, everyone, I just have some worries as well as some concerns that could potentially turn into outright fears. Ah, there they go, they're fears now.

Jason: So many memories of this place. Eating frozen yogurt and then having diarrhea and then eating more frozen yogurt and then more diarrhea. Maybe I should've realized this isn't The Good Place because of all the diarrhea.
Chidi: Maybe you shouldn't be eating all that frozen yogurt right now.

Michael: Now, getting to the Good Place is pretty tricky. There's no train to catch. I have to design a complicated, unique transportation vehicle.
Jason: Is it Optimus Prime?
Michael: What?
Jason: I can't believe we get to ride a real-life Optimus Prime. I call right nipple. That's shotgun on Optimus Prime.

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