The Good Place Season 2 Episode 11: The Burrito

Add quote

First aired on Jan. 25, 2018

Search for The Good Place - The Burrito on Amazon

Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason consider just how much they have (or have not) improved. Michael is left to deal with the consequences of his recent actions.


Quotes:

It's actually not hot sauce. It's envy. It's really good on Mexican food. It gives it a little kick.


You are very lucky that I cannot send you to The Bad Idea Place because that one is a stanker!


[To a burrito she assumes is the judge] We've traveled a long distance to see you, O Great One.


We gave it our best shot, guys. I say we go through the portal, get a good night's sleep, come back fresh in the morning. Try it again.


You know, I thought I'd have a stomachache right now, but weirdly... I do.


Judge Gen: Jason, your test was about impulse control, and you showed great improvements, but you never asked if you could opt not to play. I mean, you basically told me, an all-knowing judge, to just shut up and go away. Do you realize how insane that is?
Jason: Not as insane as picking off the greatest quarterback of all time, Black Bortles, to set up a last second game-winning field goal.


We've been through every argument. Contractualist, Kantian, "What Would Superman do?", "What Would Rihanna Do?" Are we missing anything? Hit me right now with your most obscure, boring-est, old white dude with a long wizard beard mumbo-jumbo.


Goodbye, Michael. We will leave you with one of Bad Janet's classic farts. The smell will linger for 10 million years.


Shawn: So, I'm just gonna throw you in this unmarked room - for the rest of eternity. And since it seems you love humans so much, I'll torture you like one. All you'll have for entertainment is that giant stack of "New Yorker" magazines.
Michael: Oh, come on. You and I both know I'll never read those.
Shawn: Of course you won't. But they'll just keep coming.


Quvenzhané Wallis and Stephen Hawking in the same room discussing me? Guess they must've made up.


Okay, so what do we do?
[Chidi Groans]
Oh no, that was your moral quandary grimace, which is different from your gas pain grimace. And different from your someone said "from whence it came" instead of "whence it came" grimace.


Eleanor: All those ethics lessons paid off. Whoever said philosophy was stupid?
Chidi: You did, many times, as recently as this morning.


Michael: Shawn, this is not fair.
Shawn: Fair is the stupidest word humans ever invented, except for staycation.


Shawn: So, just to be clear, you actually rebooted them over 800 times, and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake?
Michael: Yes, but frankly, this is on you. A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels and episodes of "Pretty Little Liars".


My name is super boring. Gen. It's just short for hydrogen, which was the only thing that was in existence at the time that I was born.


Eleanor: Can we be tested together as a group?
Jason: Yeah, we all need to be able to cheat off Chidi. Oh, that's why your name is Chidi. I get it now.


In the words of one of my actual friends, "Ya basic". It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.


So, it's either this or start "Bloodline," and I don't know, I just don't feel like I can see Kyle Chandler as anyone else but Coach Taylor.


I've been binging Ken Burns's "Vietnam" recently. It's okay. I mean, I'm immortal, but that thing is long.

Showing 19 quotes.