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Duncan: Have you ever heard of the saying "Cheaters never prosper"?
Jeff: Duncan, if I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have gone to community college.
Woah, you just wrinkled my brain.
Every once in a while, a student will come up to me and ask, "Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?" They say it just like that. "Why do *you* teach Spanish?" "Why you? Why not math? Why not photography? Why not martial arts?" I mean, surely, it must be in my nature to instruct you in something that's ancient and secret, like, oh, building a wall that you can see from outer space! Well, I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. It is none of your business, okay? I don't wanna have any conversations about what a mysterious, inscrutable man I am. Oh hee hee hee hee hee hee! Oh hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! *I am a Spanish Genius!* In Español, my nickname is *El Tigre Chino*! Cause my knowledge will bite her face off! So don't question Señor Chang or you'll get bit. Yah bit! Yah bit!
Hasta luego! Come on, hands are 90% of Spanish!
Shirley: I'm not mad. I'm disappointed.
Jeff: That's mom for mad.
I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
Well, you know it's like I always say 'it ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice.'
You hear that? That's not a heart monitor, it's a machine telling me I'm low on khakis.
The "Webster's Dictionary defines" intro is The Jim Belushi of speech openings: it accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps on using it, and no one knows why.
I refused to give Santa a Christmas List because I didn't want to depend on a man for anything.
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