Recently Added Quotes
Abed is a magical elf-like man who makes us all more magical by being near him.
No woman, none of us have to go to anyone. And the idea that we do is a mental illness we contracted from breath mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. We can't keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves. Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job and just stop hating ourselves.
Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they MAILED EACH OTHER PANTS!
Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested, and then you'd get a free lawyer.
It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But, remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent.
Jeff: I'm saying, you're a football player. It's in your blood!
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your soul.
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay?
Jeff: That's homophobic.
Troy: That's black.
Jeff: _That's_ racist.
Annie: This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend? My really good friend?
Abed: Well, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe. They never really had stories together. ... Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.
Gus: That's baking soda.
Shawn: Bacon soda? That's a genius idea, but I'm not sure the world is ready for a pork-flavored beverage.
Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love!
Homer: Barney, where have you been?
Barney: All I can remember about the last two months is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.
Showing 10 of 923 quotes.