Recently Added Quotes
"Attempted murder?" Now really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for "attempted chemistry"?
Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but deep in your hearts you long for a cold, Republican leader who'll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
Milhouse: I'm more worried about piranhas. Did you see that movie where they send a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas, and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes, "Aah! Aah! Aah!", and that old lady told him it would happen?
Bart: Yeah, that was pretty good.
Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards.
Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.
Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct, the best kind of correct.
Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!
A-ha! Once again the sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor! [Eats his sandwich] Oh no! I'm ruined!
Showing 10 of 923 quotes.