The Simpsons Season 3 Episode 18: Separate Vocations
First aired on Feb. 27, 1992
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After a career aptitude test pegs Lisa as a homemaker and Bart as a police officer, she becomes a rebel and he becomes a hall monitor. When Lisa’s subversive behavior goes too far, Bart steps in.
Ms. Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
Ralph: [a gluestick pokes out of his mouth] No, Miss Hoover.
Ms. Hoover: Good. Now sprinkle the sparkles onto the paper. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles.
Lisa: Shove it!
Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term, but Lisa's are way down.
Homer: We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge: We have three kids, Homer.
Homer: Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid!
Marge: No, Maggie.
Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!
Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
Showing 5 quotes.
Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.