Mayor Quimby: You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.
Helen Lovejoy: Oh, won't someone please think of the children?
Maude Flanders: What kind of example are we setting?
Chief Wiggum: Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are seeing is a total disregard for the things St. Patrick's Day stand for. All this drinking, violence, destruction of property. Are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish?
Bart: [drunk] What are you looking at?
Kent Brockman: "What are you looking at?": the innocent words of a drunken child. Well, I'll tell you what we're looking at, young man. A town gone mad. A town whose very conscious was washed away in a tide of beer and green vomit.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Marge: I'm tired of looking like the world's worst mother.
Homer: Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?
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Parades just bring out so many emotions in me! Joy, excitement, looking...