Recently Added Quotes
Can I have one more of these with some booze in it, please?
[On the phone] Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about the satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both! I'm a celebrity in an emergency. Can you patch me through on that line, please?
Phil: I make the weather! All this moisture coming up out of the gulf is going to push off to the east and hit Altoona.
State Trooper: Pal, you got that moisture on your head. Now you can go back to Punxsutawney or you can go ahead and freeze to death. It's your choice. So what's it gonna be?
Phil: I'm thinking.
Phil: Hey, Commander, what's going on?
State Trooper: There's nothing going on. We're closing the road. Big blizzard moving in.
Phil: What blizzard? It's a couple of flakes.
State Trooper: Don't you listen to the weather? We got a major storm here!
Larry: Oh, boy. Take a look at this.
Phil: What is going on?
Larry: I don't know, Phil. Perhaps it's that giant blizzard we're not suppsoed to get.
Phil: This is impossible.
[Phil honks the car horn]
Larry: Nobody honks this horn but me, okay, pal?
Prima donnas.
Want to try it again without the sarcasm?
This February 2nd, at 7:20 and 30 seconds, Punxsutawney Phil, the seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, emerged reluctantly, but alertly, in Punxsutawney, PA, and stated in groundhog-ese: "I definitely see a shadow." Sorry folks, six more weeks of winter.
Rita: Oh, isn't he cute?
Phil: Hey, do you like your guys with prominent upper teeth?
Rita: No.
Then it's the same old shtick every year. The guy comes out with a big stick and raps on the door. They pull the little rat out, they talk to him, the rat talks back, and then they tell us what's gonna happen.
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