Recently Added Quotes
Michael: Snack time! It’s the witching hour. It is the sandwiching hour.
Phyllis: What kind of sandwiches?
Michael: PB&J. My mom's recipe.
Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? ... No. But life goes on ... not for me.
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.
I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!
Andy: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't have?
Ann: Are you serious?
Andy: Yeah.
Ann: Everything. He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say tampon without giggling.
You may have gone to Cambridge, but I am an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy.
Debra, calm down. You're reacting to missing squash like the time we left Ally at the mall!
Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.
Debra: Good job, honey.
Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.
Ray: Listen dad, when was the last time you said I love you to someone?
Frank: What? Do you live in a freaking fairyland?
Marie: I've got baking soda! I smelled something questionable in the fridge.
Ray: From across the street?
Marie: No, when I was here yesterday. Oh, It's worse!
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