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Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq; and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.
Lisa: According to Eternity Magazine, you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is suddenly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.
Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.
We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.
Dr. Hibbert: Bart, in this ward are the children who have been hurt by imitating stunts they saw on television, movies, and the legitimate stage. This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like Superman. This boy's brother hit him in the head with a wrench, mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won't even subject you to the horrors of our Three Stooges ward.
Marge: Gee, I never thought TV was such a dangerous influence.
Dr. Hibbert: Well, as tragic as all this is, it's a small price to pay for countless hours of top-notch entertainment.
The potential for mischief varies inversely with one's proximity to the authority figure.
What's the matter, sir? Never have I seen you look so unhappy while purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.
Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.
Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So gives yourselves a round of applause.
The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive... like I did when I was a homeless man.
William Doolittle at your service. A.K.A. Will Do.
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