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There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...
Once I'm officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the Internet, it's... pretty shocking.
Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage... when advantageous.
I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, you reply, "absolutely I do."
Come on, haven't you guys ever been a kid? Haven't you guys ever... had a dream?
All my life I've been ignored by people, and finally, after years of being overlooked, I found I have the power to disappear.
We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not-bickering.
We've got a blind date with Destiny. And it looks like she's ordered the lobster.
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