The Office (US) Season 1 Episode 3: Health Care

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First aired on April 5, 2005

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Michael doesn't want to upset the staff so he gets Dwight to pass on news about the company's reduced health provisions. Fed up with his nosiness, Jim and Pam pretend they are suffering from a variety of conditions including Ebola, Mad Cow Disease, spontaneous dentohydroplosion, hotdog fingers, nano-robot infection, inverted penis and anal fissures.


Quotes:

Jim: Last night on Trading Spouses, there's...have you seen it?
Pam: No. I have a life.
Jim: Interesting, what's that like?
Pam: You should try it sometime.
Jim: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?


Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that is a felony.
Jim: Okay. Whoa, all right, 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading] Uh, "Leprosy. Flesh-eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection."


Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.


Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.


In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

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