Michael: I'm an immortal being with abilities you can only dream of.
Eleanor: Yeah, and we're an Arizona dirt bag, a human turtleneck, a narcissistic monster, and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Jason: And who am I? Describe me now!
I died…in Cleveland?!
Tahani: I belong in The Good Place. The real one with the good people. Who do I speak to about correcting this?
Michael: Me. And you’re wrong.
Tahani: I would like to speak to your manager.
Michael: Yes, there is a potential method of transportation.
Tahani: Is it nice? Is there business class? Can I preboard?
Jason: I’ll tell you what I want to know right now before we go any further. Did the Jacksonville Jaguars win the Super Bowl last year?
Michael: Oh, you’re serious. No.
Jason: Will they every win the Super Bowl?
Michael: Jason, I can’t predict the future. But no, they won’t.
I have no idea what's going on right now but everyone else is talking and I think I should too!
Showing 7 quotes.
Chidi: Why even tell us about any real thing? Why not just lie about all of it?
Michael: Lies are always more convincing when they're closer to the truth.