I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply did myself.
In the words of a very wise Bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew, "Go ahead and cry all you want, but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
The point is, you're cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained. I've never seen you dance, but I bet you're good, 'cause you're good at everything. You're awesome! Be nicer to yourself.
Jason: Back in Jacksonville, I was in charge of a 60-person dance crew. Whenever we auditioned a new dancer, we would rate them in five categories: dancing ability, coolness, dopeness, freshness, and smart-brained. I would give you an eight in every category.
Tahani: Well, eight isn't bad, I suppose.
Jason: No, no, eight is the best! It was a scale of one to thirteen but eight is highest. The scale went up and then back down like a tent.
Eleanor: Who has four toothbrushes, like Bill Gates or something?
Store Employee: No, that's like, for a family.
Eleanor: Family? Like, a whole family and their toothbrushes all together? Two slots for the parent toothbrushes and two slots for their kids?
Store Employee: Yup.
Eleanor: So the parent toothbrushes can be close to the kid toothbrushes and watch over them and they can all talk about their toothbrush feelings and they can hold their little toothbrush hands when they're sad and make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles?
Store Employee: Sure.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think this can be solved with a book.
Okay, bud, whatever's going on right now, just shove your feelings way down deep, plaster on a fake smile, and pretend like you're having fun. Okay? Just like I used to do when someone started talking about their kids.
Parties are mere distractions from the relentlessness of entropy. We're all just corpses who haven't yet begun to decay.
Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?
Eleanor: I used to think about how it's weird they don't make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs.
Chidi: You mean a skirt?
Eleanor: No! You're not getting it and my thing is different so shut up.
Eleanor: Man. Michael is not into your class. Right now I'm the best student. I'm going to be the velociraptor.
Chidi: You trying to say valedictorian?
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Well, I've read everything on your syllabus and, how do I put this delicately, it's all stupid garbage.