The Simpsons Season 6 Episode 8: Lisa on Ice

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First aired on Nov. 13, 1994

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When she nearly flunks gym class, Lisa is forced to take up a sport. She's a natural at hockey, but things get complicated when her team faces off against Bart's. In a tense moment on the ice, sibling rivalry melts into sibling loyalty.


Quotes:

Wow! Eye of the tiger. Mouth of a teamster. Just think of all the time I wasted on you! [points to Bart]


Homer: Now that we’re all alone, Marge, admit it, you like Lisa best.
Marge: No.
Homer: Oh, so you’re a Bart woman, are you?!
Marge: No.
Homer: Well you can’t possible like Maggie best. What has she ever done? Nothin’ for nobody!


Oh my God, Marge. A penalty shot with only four seconds left. It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise; the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!


Announcer: And now, to honor America, here's Krusty the Clown.
Krusty: [singing the National Anthem] Oh say, can you see..La la la, da da light, what so proudly we... ya la la yah...oh... I shouldn't have turned down those cue cards.


Chief Wiggum: All right, I'm going to make a little deal with you mugs. I'm going to let you all out to see my team play the hockey game if you promise to return to your cells!
Snake: Sorry, pig. We can't make that promise.
Wiggum: All right... all right, I'll sweeten the deal. You can see the game, you don't have to come back, but you have to promise not to commit any more crimes, OK?
Snake: No.
Wiggum: I'll take that as a yes.


Bart: Come watch TV with me, Dad. We missed the first two episodes of "Cops", but if we hurry we can catch the last three.
Homer: Aw, sorry Bart, Lisa and I are going out for a gelato. We'd ask you to come, but...you know.


We're having our best season ever. And I would like to say that it is because of teamwork...gee, who am I kidding, huh? It's all because of Lisa.


Milhouse: Hey! Way to knock out my teeth!
Apu: Yeah, that's it, Milhouse, keep up the chatter.


Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone.


Homer: Okay, little buddy, hop in! [Bart steps forward] Ah bah! I mean my little girl buddy.
Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent, competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: Okay, hon. [Lisa gets in the car] Sucker! Competitive violence! That's why you're here!


Sorry, Bart, I'm going to hang out with Lisa...for protection... and to be seen!


Nelson: [beating up Bart] This is for wasting teacher's valuable time!
Lisa: Lay off, guys! He's with me.
Jimbo: It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother.


Milhouse: Hey, Bart. If Lisa's better than you at hockey, you think you'll become better than her at school?
Bart: Maybe I will, Milhouse. Maybe I will.
Mrs. Krabappel: Who can tell me the capital of Spain? [Bart raises his hand] Bart Simpson. The square root of 36? [Bart raises his hand] Bart Simpson. Who freed the slaves? Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson, will you stop raising your hand? You haven't had one right answer all day.
Bart: Sorry.


Bart: Lisa, certain difference, rivalries if you will, have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people, but instead...I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny!
Lisa: Bart that was your cherished childhood toy.
Bart: (realizes what he did) Aaah! Mr. Honeybunny!


We won! We won! Unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza.


Hey Dolph, take a memo on your Newton: beat up Martin.


TV Weatherman: There's a 75% chance of hilarity!
Homer: I like those odds.


Attention! This is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the Principal's Office. All students please proceed immediately to an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium.


Hey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You'll be in direct competition! And I don't want you to go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!


Gym Teacher: Tell you what, Simpson: I won't fail you if you join one of those peewee teams outside the school.
Lisa: You mean those leagues where parents push their kids into vicious competition to compensate for their own failed dreams of glory?
Gym Teacher: Look, I don't need this. I inhaled my favorite whistle this morning!


Me fail English? That's unpossible!


Man: In that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. [to Lisa] Don't worry, it's just a name.
[cut to Monster Island where Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters]
Lisa: He said it was just a name!
Man: What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula.

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