Quotes by Leslie Knope
Who cares what Gryzzl and Ron have. I have the most valuable currency in America: a blind, stubborn belief that I'm 100% right.
Leslie: It is nice to see you again.
Ben: Are you talking to my butt?
Ben: I don't know if you knew this, but Leslie was born in Eagleton!
Leslie: Do not blame me for the sins of my mother!
Leslie: Will you go to the prom with me?
Ben: Why, I thought you’d never ask...because we’re 40.
Leslie: What’s your favorite TV show?
Donna: For live tweeting it’s Scandal, for binge watching, it’s Scandal. And for fashion? Scandal. My favorite TV show is Scandal.
Leslie: Now is lady time.
April: You sound like a tampon commercial.
Leslie: What’s the 411? Who you crushin’ on these days?
April: Ew, my husband, weirdo.
Good, I hate paperwork. I hardly ever do it in my bed on a Saturday night listening to old Spice Girls CDs.
I love parks. I don't know if that's something I've communicated before. So, having a picnic with all the former living parks department directors? Guess who just checked something off her bucket list!
Horseback. You should ask her on horseback. No, you should ask her in a hot air balloon. No, she should be on a hot air balloon and you should ride up on horseback. Oh, wait. She's in the balloon; you ride up on horseback. You point to the sky. Up there, skywriting. Marry me, Ann.
The bankrupt government of Pawnee has been shut down all summer so it's been three months of no work, no meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
It's not that I don't trust Ben. It's that I don't have faith in Ben. And also I'm starting to forget who Ben is.
It's not cool. It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules then they're not really your friends.
Leslie: I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule.
Ron: Leslie, no. We don't negotiate with weirdos.
Ben: Should we throw in some salads for a healthy option?
Tom: Wow, don't be such a Jerry, Ben.
Leslie: Yeah, Ben. These guys are cops. Not ballerinas.
Leslie: Calzones are like pizzas but they're harder to eat. They're dumb. And so was that idea.
Tom: This is embarrassing for you.
Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.
He's not going to be able to keep anything from me. In high school they used to call me Angela Lansbury, but that was because of my hair cut.
Then I'm sure he's not cheating on you. But if he is, he's a monster. And if he's not, you guys are great together. But if he is, I will kill him.
You're all amazing, wonderful people and I really want you to have fun today and not focus on the fact that if one thing goes wrong, we're all gonna lose our jobs.
You only get one chance to make a second impression.
Leslie: I'm so desperate I even brought in my dream journal hoping it would inspire me.
Ann: [reading the journal] "I married ALF and we're pretty happy." This one's nice.
Leslie: It was.
One time when I was in high school, a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time where I was on a date, and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and the guy said he wasn't "feeling it," so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for a while, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me never to call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers, and then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.
I know Tammy seems scary, but really she's just a manipulative, psychotic, library book pedaling, sex crazed she-demon.
I think this is gonna be a really good bonding experience with Ron. Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.
Leslie: What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if instead of Tic-Tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie: They have happened. All of these have happened to me.
What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.
Say you had a friend who wanted to do something good, but a little risky and she was kind of nervous about it, and this friend is me. What should I do?
Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.
Raul: We get 14,000 channels. Fourteen thousand. I already know who wins Project Runway.
Leslie: Wow, I'm coming over to your house then.
Raul: I see what you're getting at, but no thank you. I am still primarily interested in the large black woman.
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