The Good Place

39 quotes.

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Eleanor Shellstrop is an ordinary woman who, through an extraordinary string of events, enters the afterlife where she comes to realize that she hasn't been a very good person. With the help of her wise afterlife mentor, she's determined to shed her old way of living and discover the awesome (or at least the pretty good) person within.

Quotes from The Good Place

Jason: Back in Jacksonville, I was in charge of a 60-person dance crew. Whenever we auditioned a new dancer, we would rate them in five categories: dancing ability, coolness, dopeness, freshness, and smart-brained. I would give you an eight in every category.
Tahani: Well, eight isn't bad, I suppose.
Jason: No, no, eight is the best! It was a scale of one to thirteen but eight is highest. The scale went up and then back down like a tent.

Eleanor: Who has four toothbrushes, like Bill Gates or something?
Store Employee: No, that's like, for a family.
Eleanor: Family? Like, a whole family and their toothbrushes all together? Two slots for the parent toothbrushes and two slots for their kids?
Store Employee: Yup.
Eleanor: So the parent toothbrushes can be close to the kid toothbrushes and watch over them and they can all talk about their toothbrush feelings and they can hold their little toothbrush hands when they're sad and make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles?
Store Employee: Sure.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think this can be solved with a book.

Okay, bud, whatever's going on right now, just shove your feelings way down deep, plaster on a fake smile, and pretend like you're having fun. Okay? Just like I used to do when someone started talking about their kids.

I think Tahani's just embarrassed I'm not some kind of scientist who forecloses on banks.

Parties are mere distractions from the relentlessness of entropy. We're all just corpses who haven't yet begun to decay.

Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?

Eleanor: I used to think about how it's weird they don't make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs.
Chidi: You mean a skirt?
Eleanor: No! You're not getting it and my thing is different so shut up.

Eleanor: Man. Michael is not into your class. Right now I'm the best student. I'm going to be the velociraptor.
Chidi: You trying to say valedictorian?

Well, I've read everything on your syllabus and, how do I put this delicately, it's all stupid garbage.

I have no idea what's going on right now but everyone else is talking and I think I should too!

Chidi: Why even tell us about any real thing? Why not just lie about all of it?
Michael: Lies are always more convincing when they're closer to the truth.

I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kids menu! What a stupid age I am.

I feel like Friends in Season 8. Out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together, even though it made no sense.

Eleanor: What is it with you and frozen yogurt? Have you not heard of ice cream?
Michael: Oh, sure, but I've come to really like frozen yogurt. There's something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.

Well, if I feel sympathy for anyone, it's Tahani. She's going through the same thing I am, but she doesn't know it. Which means maybe I'm obligated to tell her. Although maybe it's better not to know. Is ignorance bliss, or will the painful truth actually be healing...

She's so pretty, like Nala from The Lion King. And she talks so smart, like, um, Nala, from The Lion King.

I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. "That New Yorker article was interesting." "You haven't seen Hamilton?" "Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?"

Can I be excused? Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there before all the mini-waffles run out.

No, Chidi, I used to do that. Now I do selfless things without even thinking about it.

I was just about to tell an awesome story about a wing-eating contest that I lost, and a barfing contest that I won, but then a hole opened up in the ground.

You broke the world. It's not a compliment!

Tahani, great party. Check it out. Suspenders! So dumb. So much dumber than belts.

Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed.

Don't mind me. I'm just dropping off my afternoon gloves and picking up my early evening gloves.

Chidi: Do you hear music?
Eleanor: That's not music. That's EDM.

I miss being myself. Myself was the best.

This is my bud-hole! It's just like a hole where me and my buds can hang out.

People love frozen yogurt. I don't know what to tell you.

Are you going to talk? Or just walk around like a nerd trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit?

Tomás: Are you alright, my dear?
Tahani: Yes! It's just that I'm not used to dressing like a plumberess. Is that what you call a female plumber or is a toilet sweep or, or clog wench? In any case, that's how I'm dressed.
Tomás: My darling, you are in the Good Place. Relax. Feel the breeze on your feet. That's why crocs have holes in them!

This is fun. It's a fun party. There's no question about it, this is a fun ... situation. Hey! You guys are here! The fun continues, nay, increases!

Chidi: So, making decisions isn't exactly my strong suit.
Michael: I know that, buddy. You once had a panic attack at a make-your-own sundae bar.
Chidi: There were too many toppings. And very early in the process you had to commit to a chocolate palate or a fruit palate and if you couldn't decide you wound up with kiwi, junior mint, raisin, and it just ruins everybody's night.

It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the Internet saying, "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong."

Chidi: No way! Soul mates are real?
Michael: They sure are. Although your soul mate situation is a little unusual.
Chidi: Oh, no! I don't have one, do I? That's fine, I mean, who needs a soul mate, anyway? My soul mate will be ... books!

People are like nature's apps!

Why don't I ever listen to people when they talk about themselves? No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to.

Everyone thinks I'm Taiwanese. I'm Filipino. That's racist. Heaven is so racist.

Well, I've narrowed it down to two possibilities: yes and no.

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