Quotes by Abed Nadir: Community
Troy: How did we get the short straw?
Abed: It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Troy: Yeah, well, it looks pretty cold to me.
Abed: Cold or dead?.
Troy: Survey says...
Abed: We can't both do the zinger.
Annie: You're really good at it. You're like a machine!
Abed: Like RoboCop?
Britta: Exactly like Rowboat Cop. Sharice is a bad rowboat. Sink her.
Abed: I hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is...
Abed: Yeah. And they're always finishing each other's...
Abed: Exactly. It's creepy.
But is he good or is he bad? Every actor is something. Robert Downey Jr.? Good. Jim Belushi? Bad. Jean-Claude Van Damme? The good kind of bad. Johnny Depp? The bad kind of good. There's a spectrum, and Cage is on it. I just have to find him.
Annie: The Dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own: the Dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, then I've given almost two weeks of life to an idiot; that is unacceptable. Therefore, the Dean is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.
Abed: Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
Annie: Is it something that the Dean created? Because if not, I don't care.
Troy: There are a couple of things we're hoping you'll help us with.
Abed: Yes. Like where does the water go in the iron?
Troy: And what's the iron for?
Abed: And what gets out Kool-Aid stains?
Troy: We already know the opposite color Kool-Aid doesn't work.
Abed: Okay, here's the plan. [starts mumbling nonsense]
Jeff: Abed! What did I tell you? You can't just mumble nonsense. No one's cutting away.
Abed: Jeff wants to see you.
Annie: Yeah? And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.
Jeff: The show's gonna last three weeks!
Abed: Six seasons and a movie!
Abed: Wanna build a cardboard submarine?
Troy: Get out of my brain.
I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV makes sense, it has structure, logic, rules, and likable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you.
Pierce: Ay-bed, your social skills aren't exactly "streets ahead." Know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff: You're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase "streets ahead."
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted! Been there, coined that! "Streets ahead" is verbal... wildfire!
Annie: Does it just mean "cool," or is it supposed to be like, "miles ahead"?
Pierce: If you have to ask, you're streets behind.
Pierce: Who is this?
Abed: That's Travis. You said you wanted someone in your entourage named Travis.
Pierce: Show him your license. Travis is his middle name.
Travis: I go by Travis.
Pierce: No, you go by the door.
Abed: When you guys first came in, we were as wholesome as the family in the Brady Bunch. Now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of the Brady Bunch.
Shirley: I agree with Abed. This is getting creepy.
Annie: No more creepy than when Jeff wears tight jeans and you say, "I'd like to slap those buns on the grill!"
Shirley: First of all, I don't talk like that, and second of all where I'm from it's perfectly normal for women to talk about their male friends' backsides. You don't see me saying anything about Abed and Troy's weird little relationship.
Abed, Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.
Abed: You still call me a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. It's a risk I'm prepared to take.
Jeff: I see your value now.
Abed: That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested, and then you'd get a free lawyer.
Annie: This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend? My really good friend?
Abed: Well, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe. They never really had stories together. ... Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.
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