Quotes by Phil Connors: Groundhog Day
It's so beautiful! Let's live here. We'll rent to start.
Phil: Do you know what today is?
Rita: No, what?
Phil: Today is tomorrow. It happened.
Phil: Why are you here?
Rita: I bought you. I own you.
Phil: But why are you still here?
Rita: You said "stay", so I stayed.
Phil: I said "stay" so you stayed? I can't even make a collie stay.
Phil: Something is different.
Rita: Good or bad?
Phil: Anything different is good. But this could be real good.
[Phil is working on an ice sculpture of Rita]
Rita: Is it finished yet?
Phil: Almost. I still have to put some cherry syrup on the top and then we can eat it.
Phil: I'm just trying to give you your money's worth. You paid top dollar for me.
Rita: Well, I think you were a bargain.
Phil: Sweet of you to say. You're probably right.
Ned: Phil, this is the best day of my life.
Phil: Mine too.
Rita: Mine too.
Felix's Wife: Excuse me, Dr. Connors?
Felix's Wife: I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back. He can even help around the house again!
Phil: Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.
Rita: Dr. Connors?
Phil: It's kind of an honorary title.
Phil: Here you go, kids. Congratulations.
Debbie: What is this? Oh, no way. No way!
Fred: WrestleMania! No way!
Debbie: How did you know? We're, like, going to be in Pittsburgh anyway!
Fred: Excuse me, Mr. Connors.
Phil: Hey Fred, how was the wedding?
Fred: Well, I just wanted to thank you for making Debbie go through with it and everything.
Phil: All I did was fan the flame of her passion for you, Fred.
Debbie: You are the best.
Phil: No, you're the best.
Buster's Wife: I never thanked you properly for what you did for Buster. He would've choked for sure.
Phil: Well he may have, he was trying to swallow a whole cow.
Buster: I owe you one, buddy.
Buster's Wife: [To Rita] Hang on to him, dear. He's a real find.
[To Buster, after rescuing him from choking]
If you're gonna eat steak, get some sharper teeth, alright?
[Three women are in a car that slows to a halt with a flat tire]
Lady #1: You totaled it.
Lady #2: It's only a flat tire!
[Phil starts lifting the car with a jack]
Lady #2: It's an earthquake!
Lady #1: Oh, it's not an earthquake.
Lady #2: What is it?
Lady #3: [Seeing Phil] Thank you, young man!
Phil: It's nothing, ma'am, I had the tire and the jack. Just be comfortable, alright? It'll be a minute.
Lady #1: Who is that?
Lady #3: He must be from the motor club.
[After saving a boy falling from a tree]
You little brat! You have never thanked me. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe.
Rita: Where are you going, would you like to get a cup of coffee?
Phil: I'd love to. Can I have a rain check? I've got some errands I've got to run.
Rita: Phil! Errands? What errands? I thought we were going back.
Rita: That was surprising. I didn't know you were so versatile.
Phil: I surprise myself sometimes.
Phil: How was that for you two?
Larry: My man, you touched me.
Phil: Thanks, Larry.
Larry: Thank you.
When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter. From Punxsutawney, it's Phil Connors. So long.
Nurse: Sometimes people just die.
Phil: Not today.
Ned: Phil? Phil Connors? I thought it was you.
Phil: Ned Ryerson! I have missed you so much. [Holds Ned in a long embrace] I don't know where you're headed, but can you call in sick?
Ned: Uh, I gotta get going. Uh, it's good to see you, Phil.
Piano Teacher: Not bad, Mr. Connors. You say this is your first lesson?
Phil: Yes, but my father was a piano mover, so...
Man: Morning! Off to see the groundhog?
Phil: Buongiorno signore!
Man: Think it's going to be an early spring?
Phil: Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on his smiling face a dream of spring. Ciao!
Piano Teacher: Yes?
Phil: Yes, I'd like a piano lesson, please.
Piano Teacher: Oh, okay. I'm with a student now. But if you want to come back tomorrow I could probably...
Phil: Well, I kind of want to get started. I can give you a thousand dollars.
Piano Teacher: Come on in.
Phil: Pastry? Pastry, Larry? Take your pick.
Larry: Thanks, Phil! Raspberry, great.
Rita: Sometimes I wish I had a thousand lifetimes. I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's not a curse. It just depends on how you look at it.
Phil: Gosh, you're an upbeat lady!
Phil: That's not the worst part.
Rita: What's the worst part?
Phil: The worst part is that tomorrow you will have forgotten all about this and you'll treat me like a jerk again.
Phil: It's alright, I am a jerk.
Rita: It would take me a year to get good at this.
Phil: No, six months, four to five hours a day, and you'd me an expert.
Rita: And her?
Phil: Nancy. She works in a dress shop and makes noises like a chipmunk when she gets real excited.
Phil: It's true.
Phil: [Introducing Rita to the diner's customers] This is Debbie Kleiser and her fiancÃ© Fred.
Debbie: Do I know you?
Phil: They're supposed to be getting married this afternoon but Debbie is having second thoughts.
Rita: Lovely ring.
Phil: I didn't just survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.
Rita: Oh, really?
Phil: And every morning I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender. I am an immortal.
That's not bad for a quadruped. You gotta check your mirrors. Side of your eye. Side of your eye.
Rita: Why would anybody steal a groundhog?
Larry: I could probably think of a couple of reasons. Pervert.
I've come to the end of me, Rita. There's no way out now. I just want you to remember we had a beautiful day together once.
Phil: There is no way that this winter is ever going to end as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any other way out. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.
Larry: Real good, Phil. Real good. [To Rita] He's out of his gourd!
You want a prediction about the weather? You're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction. It's going to be cold, it's going to be gray, and it's going to last you for the rest of your life.
This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites! All of you!
Rita: It's a perfect day. You couldn't plan a day like this.
Phil: Well you can, it just takes an awful lot of work.
Rita: Believe it or not, I studied 19th-century French Poetry.
Phil: What a waste of time! I mean for someone else that would be an incredible waste of time. It's so bold of you to choose that. It's incredible. You must be a very, very strong person.
Phil: Who's your perfect guy?
Rita: First of all, he's too humble to know he's perfect.
Phil: That's me!
Rita: He's intelligent, supportive, funny...
Phil: Intelligent, supportive, funny... me, me, me.
Rita: He's romantic and courageous.
Phil: Me also.
Rita: He's got a good body but he doesn't have to look in the mirror every two minutes.
Phil: I have a great body and sometimes I go months without looking.
Rita: Is this for real, Phil, or are you just trying to make me look like a fool?
Phil: I'm just trying to talk like normal people talk. Isn't this how they talk?
[Buying Movie Tickets]
Phil: That'll be one adult, and, uh...
Phil's Date: Two adults.
Phil: Two adults, I guess.
Phil's Date: I thought we were going to a costume party.
Phil: It's like I said, I love this film. I've seen it over a hundred times.
Phil's Date: Phil!
Phil: I told you, call me "Bronco".
Phil's Date: Sorry, Bronco.
Phil: Do you think I'm acting like this because I'm egocentric?
Rita: I know you're egocentric, it's your defining characteristic.
Rita: Don't you worry about cholesterol, lung cancer, love handles?
Phil: I don't worry about anything anymore.
Rita: What makes you so special? Everybody worries about something.
Phil: That's exactly what makes me so special. I don't even have to floss.
Rita: I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring, in a way.
Phil: My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.
Phil: Mrs. Lancaster, was anybody looking for me here this morning? Perhaps a state official, maybe a blue hat, gun, nightstick?
Mrs. Lancaster: I don't think so, will there be?
Phil: Apparently not.
[To a policeman after being stopped]
Phil: Yeah, uh, three cheeseburgers, two large fries, two chocolate shakes, and one large coke.
Ralph: And some flapjacks!
Phil: Too early for flapjacks?
Phil: I'm not going to live by their rules any more.
Ralph: I noticed that.
Phil: You make choices and you live with them.
[Driving on the railroad tracks toward a train] I'm betting he's gonna swerve first.
Phil: Let me ask you guys a question. What if there were no tomorrow?
Gus: No tomorrow? That would mean there would be no consequences, there would be no hangovers, we could do whatever we wanted!
Phil: That's true. We could do whatever we want.
Phil: You want to throw up here or you want to throw up in the car?
Ralph: I think, both.
Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That about sums it up for me.
That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over... and over... and over?
Phil: So... what do I do?
Psychiatrist: I think we should meet again. How's tomorrow for you?
[Phil hits himself with a pillow]
Psychiatrist: Is that not good?
Psychiatrist: That's an unusual problem, Mr. Connors. Most of my work is with couples, families. I have an alcoholic now.
Phil: Well, you went to college, right? It wasn't veterinary psychology, was it? Didn't you take some kind of course that covered this stuff?
Psychiatrist: Yeah! Sort of, I guess. Abnormal psychology.
Neurologist: Of course, if you want a CAT scan or an MRI you're going to have to go into Pittsburgh.
Phil: I can't go into Pittsburgh.
Neurologist: Why can't you go into Pittsburgh?
Phil: I told you, there's a blizzard.
Neurologist: Oh, right, the blizzard. You know what you may need, Mr. Connors?
Phil: A biopsy?
Neurologist: A psychiatrist.
Rita: Phil, I think you need help.
Phil: That's what I've been saying, Rita. I need help.
Phil: I'm not going back to Pittsburgh.
Rita: Why not?
Phil: Because of the blizzard.
Rita: I thought you said that was gonna hit Altoona.
Phil: I know that's what I said...
Phil: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita: You never talk about work.
Well, it's Groundhog Day... again...
Phil: Can I be serious with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know, can you?
Phil: Yes, I'm being serious.
Phil: Rita, do me a favor. I need someone to give me a good, hard slap in the face.
Rita: [slaps Phil in the face] How's that?
Larry: If you need any help with the other cheek, let me know, I'm right here.
Ned: So how's it going, old buddy?
Phil: Well, to tell you the truth, Neddy, I'm not feeling real well. Would you excuse me?
Ned: Well, you know, it's funny you should mention your health because you will never guess what I do now.
Phil: Do you sell insurance?
Ned: Bing again! You are sharp as a tack today! Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use more. Right! I mean, who couldn't? But you want to know something? I gots a feeling... you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Am I right? Right? Right?
Phil: Ned Ryerson?
Ned: Bing! First shot right out of the box!
Phil: Excuse me. Where's everybody going?
Piano Teacher: To GobbIer's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.
Phil: It's stiII just once a year, isn't it?
Mrs. Lancaster: Will you be checking out today, Mr. Connors?
Phil: I'd say the chance of departure is 80 percent. 75 to 80.
Phil: Didn't we do this yesterday?
Man: I don't know what you mean.
Phil: Don't mess with me, Pork Chop! What day is this?
Man: It's February 2nd. Groundhog Day.
Phil: I'm sorry. I thought it was yesterday.
Phil: Yo, mom. Isn't there any hot water?
Mrs. Lancaster: Oh, no. There wouldn't be any today.
Phil: Of course not. Silly me.
Wow, there. Looking foxy tonight, man. Hey, is your troop going to be selling cookies again this year?
Rita: Phil! Are you going to the groundhog dinner?
Phil: No, I had groundhog for lunch. It wasn't bad. Tastes like chicken.
Can I have one more of these with some booze in it, please?
[On the phone] Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about the satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both! I'm a celebrity in an emergency. Can you patch me through on that line, please?
Phil: I make the weather! All this moisture coming up out of the gulf is going to push off to the east and hit Altoona.
State Trooper: Pal, you got that moisture on your head. Now you can go back to Punxsutawney or you can go ahead and freeze to death. It's your choice. So what's it gonna be?
Phil: I'm thinking.
Phil: Hey, Commander, what's going on?
State Trooper: There's nothing going on. We're closing the road. Big blizzard moving in.
Phil: What blizzard? It's a couple of flakes.
State Trooper: Don't you listen to the weather? We got a major storm here!
Larry: Oh, boy. Take a look at this.
Phil: What is going on?
Larry: I don't know, Phil. Perhaps it's that giant blizzard we're not suppsoed to get.
Phil: This is impossible.
[Phil honks the car horn]
Larry: Nobody honks this horn but me, okay, pal?
Rita: Oh, isn't he cute?
Phil: Hey, do you like your guys with prominent upper teeth?
Then it's the same old shtick every year. The guy comes out with a big stick and raps on the door. They pull the little rat out, they talk to him, the rat talks back, and then they tell us what's gonna happen.
Once a year, the eyes of the nation turn to this tiny hamlet in Western Pennsylvania to watch a master at work. The master? Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous weatherman, the groundhog. Who, as legend has it, can predict the coming of an early spring. So I guess the question we have to ask ourselves today is, "Does Phil feel lucky?"
Phil: So did, you sleep OK without me? You tossed and turned, didn't you?
Rita: You're incredible.
Phil: Who told you?
Rita: You're missing all the fun. These people are great! Some of them have been partying all night long! They sing songs till they get too cold, and then they go sit by the fire and they get warm and then they come back and they sing some more!
Phil: Yeah. They're hicks, Rita.
Rita: Where have you been?
Phil: It was horrible. A giant leech got me.
Ned: I got friends of mine who live and die by the actuarial tables and I say, Hey! It's all one big crapshoot anyhoo. Tell me, have you ever heard of single premium life? Cause I think that really could be the ticket for you. Oh, God! It is so good to see you. What are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Something else. It's been great seeing you, Needlehead. Take care.
Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you, but I'm not going to.
Phil: Ned Ryerson?
Phil: Bing! So did you turn pro with that bellybutton thing, Ned?
Ned: No, Phil, I sell insurance.
Phil: What a shock.
Ned: Do you have life insurance? Cause if you do you could always use a little more. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right. Right. Right.
Ned: Phil? Hey, Phil? Phil? Phil Connors! I thought that was you.
Phil: Hi, how are you doing? Thanks for watching.
Ned: Hey, hey. Now don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heck-fire remember you.
Phil: Not a chance.
Mrs. Lancaster: Will you be checking out today, Mr. Connors?
Phil: Chance of departure today, one hundred percent.
Phil: Did you want to talk about the weather or were you just making chitchat?
Mrs. Lancaster: Chitchat.
Mrs. Lancaster: Did you sleep well, Mr. Connors?
Phil: I slept alone, Mrs. Lancaster.
Mrs. Lancaster: Would you like some coffee?
Phil: I don't suppose there's any possibility of getting an espresso or cappuccino this morning, is there?
Mrs. Lancaster: Oh, uh, I really don't know...
Phil: [under his breath] How to spell espresso or cappuccino.
Man in Hallway: Morning!
Man: You off to see the Groundhog?
Phil: Yes I am.
Man: Do you think it's gonna be an early spring?
Phil: I'm predicting March 21st.
Man: Good guess! You know, I think that actually is the first day of spring.
You know, I think this is one of the traits of a really good producer. Keep the talent happy.
Someday somebody will see me interviewing a groundhog and think I don't have a future.
Nan: Have fun in Punxsutawney, Phil!
Phil: For your information, Hairdo, there is a major network interested in me.
Larry: Yeah, that would be the Home Shopping Network.
Nan: Sounds like a lot of fun. You must really enjoy it. This is your third year in a row, isn't it, Phil?
Phil: Four, Nan. Four.
Nan: Thanks, Phil.
Oh, boy! Front coming our way. Look out. What will that mean to us in the Three Rivers area? One of these big blue things! This cold, frigid, Arctic air.
In California, they'll have warm weather tomorrow, gang wars and some very overpriced real estate. Up in the Pacific Northwest, they'll have some very tall trees.
Somebody asked me today, "Phil, if you could be anywhere, where would you like to be?" I said to him, "Probably right here." Elko, Nevada. Our nation's high at 79 today.
Phil: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room!", "Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!". Oh yeah - "Don't drive on the railroad tracks!"
Gus: Eh, Phil... That's one I happen to agree with.
Phil: Do you ever have déjà vu, Mrs. Lancaster?
Mrs. Lancaster: I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.
Well what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!
Rita: Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil: No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.
This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.
People like blood sausage, too. People are morons.
Gus: Phil, like the groundhog Phil?
Phil: Yeah, like the groundhog Phil.
Gus: Look out for your shadow there buddy.
Phil: Morons, your bus is leaving.
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